By Dr Christian Thoma
Upfront Summary:
3. Know what you are prepared and not prepared to give up for your goals.
4. Have a plan that is firmly grounded in reality, and keep it a little flexible.
5. Practice applying a growth mindset that recognises that with consistency of practice, you can overcome any lack of talent or absence of past success.
The new year always brings changes, and for many people it also brings new year’s resolutions. Of course any day is a good day to resolve to take on something new, or give up something old, but this time of year makes many of us reflect more than we do at other times. Where is our career, business, health, happiness etc. going? How is our life shaping up?
The truth is that we change all the time, at least in little ways. Time and circumstance change us. The pace of change is faster and faster as the world changes ever more quickly, especially in terms of technology. What never changes is that we really just want to be happy. What differs from person to person and from moment to moment is our definition of happiness and our strategies for achieving it. Let’s assume then that any resolutions you make or even think about making somehow relate to a desire to be happy. We can then work from there to go over some things you can do to be among those who succeed in their resolutions.
Set a theme for the year and seek alignment
We can only do so much, and the more our goals and values align, the easier it is to make progress. Choose a core theme for the coming year. What is most important to you? What do you want the bulk of your efforts to go toward, e.g. family, health, business, achieving work/life balance...
Of course things in life sometimes compete, at any moment you can do this or that. Hence it’s important to look at your whole life and think about how one thing, especially goals and strategies to achieve those goals align with each other and your values and priorities. If there is a lot of conflict, you’ll need to start resolving what can be resolved. Having a theme gives you a framework for resolving issues.
A theme will also help you align things more than just having individual goals. If health is your theme and being more active is a key strategy, then look for ways of getting physical activity into your life without it regularly competing with other goals and priorities, e.g:
Help yourself by seeking out inspiration in what you read, listen to, and/or watch. Just be careful you don’t settle for being a spectator; you'll need to be a participant because what you do matters more than what you know.
Basically, the more different aspects and areas of your life align with each other and your theme, the more efficiently you can use your finite time and other resources to get what you truly want out of life. So spend some time brainstorming how you can achieve greater alignment.
What’s your motivation and what are your assumptions?
A resolution is usually something we want to change, although wanting to maintain something positive is just as worthy a goal as any other. Your chances of success go up tremendously when you are clear on if and why the change is important to you. What do you really want from achieving your goal of weight loss, making more money, being fitter, improving your health etc. How do you imagine your life would be different if you succeeded? How would your life be if you didn’t succeed?
When you’re faced with choices that are likely to affect your success with your goal, recall your reasons for your theme and goals, visualise the positive outcome of making the decision that is in line with your goals/theme. It’s hard to say no to something that will be pleasurable in the short-term when the benefits of saying no are in the distant future. By visualising that distant future clearly, you’ll be making a fairer comparison.
Focus on the positive results. This isn’t about trying to guilt yourself into anything. Guilt sucks willpower and the ability to make rational decisions. The only thing guilt is good at is helping you come up with excuses. Whatever your choice in any given instance, be that to stick to your goal or deviate from it, stay positive and recommit to what you want in the long-term!
What are you prepared to give up?
Themes and goals are different from wishes. Wishes are for Christmas and birthdays, themes and goals are for the rest of the time. A wish is about something being given to you. Whereas a goal is about earning something. We'd all like to be healthy, successful, and comfortable, what differs is what we are prepared to do to achieve those things.
It’s unfortunate that the word sacrifice is so often viewed negatively, because every moment we are making sacrifices and gaining rewards. But OK, let’s go with the word trade. When we go to a store/shop, we expect to trade our money for a product or service. Achieving goals is no different. Obtaining a goal or living consistent with a theme is all about trading time, money, effort, short-term pleasure, or even the absence of discomfort for something else. If we have appropriate goals and we achieve them, then we may reap the benefits in terms of money, reduced effort, long-term satisfaction, and/or greater comfort. Often though these benefits are in the future.
The question you are looking to answer is what is the goal/theme worth to you and what isn’t it worth? Having the answer to this question will give you an insight as to whether you are even prepared to go to any regular effort at all. The answer also helps you decide what you are most prepared to invest. Do you have lots of time to do and learn what you need to do and learn? Do you have the finances to outsource some aspects of the goal/theme such as by hiring a coach? Do you want to outsource some of your responsibilities to free up time to dedicate to a theme/set of goals? And basically, how can you make this work for you?
Be SMART with your goals
A theme has it’s strength in being a little bit vague and therefore flexible, a goal is best when it has more concrete borders. You need to know what you’re aiming for, when you are getting closer/further away, and when you’ve reached your goal and it’s time for a new one. You also want to be able to clearly identify if a given goal becomes unreasonable. To help with this follow the acronym SMART, which just tells you that your goals should be:
Focus on the process
Even if your goal is realistic, the exact strategy to achieve it in the set time is unlikely to be 100% clear. Some people need to do more or different exercise to others, some respond better to one nutrition strategy than another, and our subtle differences don’t stop there. What is true for everyone is that if you follow a halfway appropriate – to you – strategy consistently, you’ll reap substantial benefits. So, along with any measurable outcome goal, e.g. body fat reduction, reducing reliance on medication, improved fitness etc., set some process related goals. How many – be realistic – exercise sessions will you do this year, month, week? How consistently will you stick to having minimally processed, mostly low-to-no sugar meals/snacks? How many times a week will you meditate or do some other form of focused relaxation?
If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail
Make a plan. What do you need to know, have, and do to live consistent with your theme and in line with your goals? Make it as easy as you can by planning ahead.
There will be temptations, so find the tools and develop the skills to help you deal with them. Give your goals careful consideration. If they aren’t worth the effort of some introspection, reflection, and planning, then they are unlikely to be worth putting in any other sort of effort.
Be adaptable
As important as it is to do some planning, we need to include some leeway. Life is unpredictable, and success stays with those who can adapt. Adapting may mean failing and then trying again, or changing course part way through to make the most of an opportunity. If you stick to your chosen theme by always asking does this choice fit with my theme, you’ll reach your destination even if the journey takes a few unplanned turns.
Adopt a growth mindset
Succeeding at something we don’t really believe we can succeed at, is fairly unlikely. One way of thinking that makes us doubt ourselves is to assume we lack some inborn talent or characteristic needed to reach a specific goal. Another barrier to success is the assumption that just because we haven’t been successful with our goal in the past, we never will be, e.g. we haven’t been able to maintain a healthy weight so we believe this is out of reach.
The secret to success lies in recognising that we can overcome a lack of talent, can acquire a desired characteristic, and can succeed where we previously failed by adopting a growth mindset. People with a growth mindset recognise that characteristics can be developed, skills learned through practice, and success achieved when we keep learning and keep practicing. Just because you haven’t achieved something yet, doesn’t mean you can’t.
Apply these principles and enjoy a year of living the life you want.
Upfront Summary:
- Set a theme to help you bring everything else, especially your goals, values, and priorities into alignment.
- Be clear why you chose your theme and related goals. Why are they important to you, and what would you get from being successful?
3. Know what you are prepared and not prepared to give up for your goals.
4. Have a plan that is firmly grounded in reality, and keep it a little flexible.
5. Practice applying a growth mindset that recognises that with consistency of practice, you can overcome any lack of talent or absence of past success.
The new year always brings changes, and for many people it also brings new year’s resolutions. Of course any day is a good day to resolve to take on something new, or give up something old, but this time of year makes many of us reflect more than we do at other times. Where is our career, business, health, happiness etc. going? How is our life shaping up?
The truth is that we change all the time, at least in little ways. Time and circumstance change us. The pace of change is faster and faster as the world changes ever more quickly, especially in terms of technology. What never changes is that we really just want to be happy. What differs from person to person and from moment to moment is our definition of happiness and our strategies for achieving it. Let’s assume then that any resolutions you make or even think about making somehow relate to a desire to be happy. We can then work from there to go over some things you can do to be among those who succeed in their resolutions.
Set a theme for the year and seek alignment
We can only do so much, and the more our goals and values align, the easier it is to make progress. Choose a core theme for the coming year. What is most important to you? What do you want the bulk of your efforts to go toward, e.g. family, health, business, achieving work/life balance...
Of course things in life sometimes compete, at any moment you can do this or that. Hence it’s important to look at your whole life and think about how one thing, especially goals and strategies to achieve those goals align with each other and your values and priorities. If there is a lot of conflict, you’ll need to start resolving what can be resolved. Having a theme gives you a framework for resolving issues.
A theme will also help you align things more than just having individual goals. If health is your theme and being more active is a key strategy, then look for ways of getting physical activity into your life without it regularly competing with other goals and priorities, e.g:
- Get a desk you can stand and sit at to do work;
- Pick active ways to spend time with family and friends like going for walks in nature or at museums/galleries, fun on the beach or in the snow, playing a sport etc.
- Take up a hobby/way to relax that has you moving, e.g. home improvement projects, doing art that has you standing and moving your arms, take up tai chi or gentle yoga etc.
- Exercise, but realise this shouldn't be the totality of you being physically active.
Help yourself by seeking out inspiration in what you read, listen to, and/or watch. Just be careful you don’t settle for being a spectator; you'll need to be a participant because what you do matters more than what you know.
Basically, the more different aspects and areas of your life align with each other and your theme, the more efficiently you can use your finite time and other resources to get what you truly want out of life. So spend some time brainstorming how you can achieve greater alignment.
What’s your motivation and what are your assumptions?
A resolution is usually something we want to change, although wanting to maintain something positive is just as worthy a goal as any other. Your chances of success go up tremendously when you are clear on if and why the change is important to you. What do you really want from achieving your goal of weight loss, making more money, being fitter, improving your health etc. How do you imagine your life would be different if you succeeded? How would your life be if you didn’t succeed?
When you’re faced with choices that are likely to affect your success with your goal, recall your reasons for your theme and goals, visualise the positive outcome of making the decision that is in line with your goals/theme. It’s hard to say no to something that will be pleasurable in the short-term when the benefits of saying no are in the distant future. By visualising that distant future clearly, you’ll be making a fairer comparison.
Focus on the positive results. This isn’t about trying to guilt yourself into anything. Guilt sucks willpower and the ability to make rational decisions. The only thing guilt is good at is helping you come up with excuses. Whatever your choice in any given instance, be that to stick to your goal or deviate from it, stay positive and recommit to what you want in the long-term!
What are you prepared to give up?
Themes and goals are different from wishes. Wishes are for Christmas and birthdays, themes and goals are for the rest of the time. A wish is about something being given to you. Whereas a goal is about earning something. We'd all like to be healthy, successful, and comfortable, what differs is what we are prepared to do to achieve those things.
It’s unfortunate that the word sacrifice is so often viewed negatively, because every moment we are making sacrifices and gaining rewards. But OK, let’s go with the word trade. When we go to a store/shop, we expect to trade our money for a product or service. Achieving goals is no different. Obtaining a goal or living consistent with a theme is all about trading time, money, effort, short-term pleasure, or even the absence of discomfort for something else. If we have appropriate goals and we achieve them, then we may reap the benefits in terms of money, reduced effort, long-term satisfaction, and/or greater comfort. Often though these benefits are in the future.
The question you are looking to answer is what is the goal/theme worth to you and what isn’t it worth? Having the answer to this question will give you an insight as to whether you are even prepared to go to any regular effort at all. The answer also helps you decide what you are most prepared to invest. Do you have lots of time to do and learn what you need to do and learn? Do you have the finances to outsource some aspects of the goal/theme such as by hiring a coach? Do you want to outsource some of your responsibilities to free up time to dedicate to a theme/set of goals? And basically, how can you make this work for you?
Be SMART with your goals
A theme has it’s strength in being a little bit vague and therefore flexible, a goal is best when it has more concrete borders. You need to know what you’re aiming for, when you are getting closer/further away, and when you’ve reached your goal and it’s time for a new one. You also want to be able to clearly identify if a given goal becomes unreasonable. To help with this follow the acronym SMART, which just tells you that your goals should be:
- Specific - what and by when;
- Measurable;
- Achievable – be realistic, you need to have the resources and confidence to achieve the goal;
- Results-focused – this is about the destination not the journey (we discuss that below);
- Time-bound – tomorrow is always a day away, so set a date and evaluate your progress and process against that date.
Focus on the process
Even if your goal is realistic, the exact strategy to achieve it in the set time is unlikely to be 100% clear. Some people need to do more or different exercise to others, some respond better to one nutrition strategy than another, and our subtle differences don’t stop there. What is true for everyone is that if you follow a halfway appropriate – to you – strategy consistently, you’ll reap substantial benefits. So, along with any measurable outcome goal, e.g. body fat reduction, reducing reliance on medication, improved fitness etc., set some process related goals. How many – be realistic – exercise sessions will you do this year, month, week? How consistently will you stick to having minimally processed, mostly low-to-no sugar meals/snacks? How many times a week will you meditate or do some other form of focused relaxation?
If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail
Make a plan. What do you need to know, have, and do to live consistent with your theme and in line with your goals? Make it as easy as you can by planning ahead.
There will be temptations, so find the tools and develop the skills to help you deal with them. Give your goals careful consideration. If they aren’t worth the effort of some introspection, reflection, and planning, then they are unlikely to be worth putting in any other sort of effort.
Be adaptable
As important as it is to do some planning, we need to include some leeway. Life is unpredictable, and success stays with those who can adapt. Adapting may mean failing and then trying again, or changing course part way through to make the most of an opportunity. If you stick to your chosen theme by always asking does this choice fit with my theme, you’ll reach your destination even if the journey takes a few unplanned turns.
Adopt a growth mindset
Succeeding at something we don’t really believe we can succeed at, is fairly unlikely. One way of thinking that makes us doubt ourselves is to assume we lack some inborn talent or characteristic needed to reach a specific goal. Another barrier to success is the assumption that just because we haven’t been successful with our goal in the past, we never will be, e.g. we haven’t been able to maintain a healthy weight so we believe this is out of reach.
The secret to success lies in recognising that we can overcome a lack of talent, can acquire a desired characteristic, and can succeed where we previously failed by adopting a growth mindset. People with a growth mindset recognise that characteristics can be developed, skills learned through practice, and success achieved when we keep learning and keep practicing. Just because you haven’t achieved something yet, doesn’t mean you can’t.
Apply these principles and enjoy a year of living the life you want.
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